Adidas has recently introduced the new TOUR360 4.0, which sounds like a new operating system software for your computer but is presumably a fourth generation golf footwear style.

According to the company, the TOUR360 4.0 “is engineered with advanced THiNTech – a revolutionary low-profile technology that brings golfers closer to the ground. A lower center of gravity equals a higher level of performance: greater stability. Better balance and footwork. Increased power and feedback. All of which promotes more
consistent ball-striking.”

Surely these are comfortable shoes. And, certainly wearing low-profile shoes are better than playing golf in stiletto spike heels or ’70s style platform boots. But golf marketing has taken hyperbole to a whole new level lately.

Taking the new TOUR360 4.o for example, this shoe offers PINS (Performance INsert System), which is apparently 32 percent lower to the ground than conventional cleats. The POWERBAND CHASSIS helps increase energy transfer during your weight shift for increased power at impact. FitFOAM molds to the contours of your foot. adiPRENE absorbs impact for comfort. adiTUFF minimizes abrasion for all those times you drag your foot on the cart path. Really? It’s a shoe. Come on, man!

Meanwhile, earlier this year TaylorMade introduced the Penta, a new five-layer golf ball.

I thought I’d seen it all when the shaving industry came out with a five-blade premium disposable razor cartridge. Then there was the battery-powered disposable razor. Now there is a five-blade battery-powered razor with an extra blade on the back for trimming. What will they come up with next? A five-layer ball is like the razor and the blade. One is a break-even introductory product while the other is the high profit margin recurring revenue stream.

With the current global economic funk, the market won’t support higher priced golf clubs, and certain rules and restrictions prevent club manufacturers from making significant advances in club design. Instead they have turned their attention to the golf ball market where proprietary polymers and fewer legal limitations can stifle their innovation or marketing creativity. 

Major manufacturers such as Callaway have recently indicated they expect $299 as the predominant U.S. price point for drivers at retail in 2010. That’s down from roughly $399 in recent years. But premium golf balls cost $40 or more per dozen and the avid golfer goes through several dozen each year. Why not sell the golfing public on premium golf balls? There’s more upside and greater recurring revenue potential.

My own game has benefited from the technological breakthroughs in golf equipment. Titanium club heads. Graphite shafts. Multi-layer balls. It’s all good, and I appreciate the help. But consumers need to know the difference between true innovative enhancements and marketing crap.

As marketing and communications professionals, the NiceBallz staff knows a thing or two about selling to consumers. We’re not picking on Adidas, who also owns TaylorMade. Frankly, I’m unemployed and I’d love to work for either brand. And, other companies offer similar proprietary technologies and equally bold marketing claims.

The new TOUR360 4.0 is just a premium golf shoe, not a miracle cure for your slice. And, the Penta golf ball is an impressive ball for highly skilled players, but is unlikely to help most high handicappers break 100. Splurge on these and similar products if you like. They are among the best gear on the market. But, a five blade razor doesn’t really shave any closer than one with two blades, and a fourth generation shoe isn’t likely to help you improve.

But when the desire to earn goes to the extremes of Bernie Madhoff and Enron-type behaviors - then greed has gone too far and we need to be a little more skeptical about what everyone is selling and buying.

So when we heard that TaylorMade is preparing to unleash a 5 piece ball – the Penta – on consumers in the near future, I had to chuckle.

A 5 piece ball?!?  C’mon.  What amateur will truly benefit from that technology?

I could go on but I think the late great Bill Hicks covers it all pretty well in the below clip (Note: Some NSFW language, but if you’re reading this, you’d probably expect as much from anything we share):

“What did you do today honey?”

“I sold a golf ball nobody needs, and nearly as few will be able to hit properly.”

“Oh that’s nice.”

PS – Thanks to the fellas @Triple_Bogey for reminding me about Bill Hicks at their site.

The Bullsh!t-o-meter helps you filter through the double meanings, marketing hyperbole and practiced soundbites from golf entities and individuals so you can get down to the pure, unvarnished truth. 

We simply insert a section of a press release, statement or other source of completely indecipherable gobbility gook and POOF – out comes an easily understood translation. 

Experience for yourself the magic of the Bullsh!t-o-meter.

The introduction of TaylorMade’s new adjustable R9 driver:

“The R9 driver offers eight positions (lots of ways to screw yourself up), and changing from one position to another is easy (as long as you take the time read a special manual, which we know men won’t) and takes only a matter of seconds (is frustratingly slow when all you really want to do is mash balls),” said Dr. Benoit Vincent, TaylorMade’s chief technical officer. “When changing (with a special wrench; if you lose it you’re screwed), it’s important to recognize (you need a consistent swing like Sergio Garcia to benefit) that as the face angle closes, the loft increases; and as the face angle opens, the loft decreases.” Thus the R9 driver is engineered to promote trajectories that are 1) increasingly higher (they balloon), long-carrying and which move from right-to-left (it’s a snap freakin’ duck hook); 2) increasingly lower (you hit it thin, really thin), more controllable and which move from left-to-right (wicked banana ball); or 3) which are neutral, with relatively straight flight and at mid-level height (exactly how Sergio hits his big @ss drives; you could do the same if only you had his 125-mile-per-hour swing speed).

The delayed opening of a Tiger Woods-designed golf course in Dubai:

“It’s six months as of right now (at least a year late, probably longer). It’s going to be behind schedule. Obviously, the economy has turned over there (a complete economic meltdown) and they’ve slowed down construction (the whole region was totally overbuilt with too many hotels, office parks and golf resorts because everyone thought the United Arab of Emirates was going to be the next great luxury real estate market) because of it,” Ruwaya Golf Course designer Tiger Woods said. “The economy needs to turn around (Ya hear me Obama?). If it gets stimulated (can an eventual billionaire get some tax breaks up in here?), we can pick up to the point where we might open earlier (ain’t happening), but who knows? It’s out of my hands (I’m focused on winning majors now and we’ll sort this sh!t out during the silly season).”

The resignation of Carolyn Bivens as LPGA Commissioner:

“We’ll soon have in place a Commissioner to lead us into 2010 and beyond (By ‘beyond’ we mean ~ 3 years, which is the shelf life for recent commissioners) but until then, it’s important that we immediately appoint an Acting Commissioner whom we know and trust (Unlike Bivens, who we know, but don’t trust),” Hudson said. “As a Board of players and independent directors, we wanted an Acting Commissioner with experience leading large organization, one who appreciates and listens to our player members (Will do what they’re told) and tournament owners (Knows how to suck up), understands sponsors and their challenges and needs (Really REALLY knows how to suck up), and has a track record that commands respect (She’s a REAR Admiral yo? Respect!). We’re pleased that Marty Evans will be our Acting Commissioner, as she fits all the criteria necessary during these challenging economic times for sports leagues. (We’re scared sh*tless)“

NiceBallz told you yesterday about our impressions of a recent golf club demo day. We walked up and down the range where several major golf club makers showed off their latest selection. While we don’t like to judge a book by its cover, we did judge a few brands by their headcovers. Certain stereotypes were reinforced and new perceptions were forged. 

Speaking of forged, we set out to test some of the newest game improvement and better-player irons on the market. And, there’s no faster way than demo day to meet your match. 

Really, it’s like speed dating for golfers. Fall in love fast, seven swings or less. Guaranteed*

*Results may vary

They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. I don’t kiss frogs, and I’m no prince. “They” say a lot of other things, too. This is a family publication, we can’t print them here. But, the truth is that demo day lets you love ‘em and leave ‘em, no strings attached.

Wham, bam, thank you, Ping! 

Having played the same cavity back blades for more than a decade – a 1990′s investment cast set from a major manufacturer with minimal progressive offset and a traditional thin top line – it’s time to think seriously about an upgrade. So what if I have a wandering eye? The technology has clearly improved in the past 12 years and with so many discounts on the market it may be time for me to deal. 

We all know first impressions are important. Here are a few of mine: 

Callaway X-22: A good all-around set. These game improvement irons are incredibly easy to hit and even the extra offset, which was initially concerning for a single-digit handicapper, resulted in a high, straight ball flight – not a severe draw as expected. The “uniflex” steel shaft leaves something to be desired – is it Regular, Stiff or neither? – but, overall, not a bad buy. A good head on her shoulders and a distinctive sense of style, she’s good girlfriend material for many. 

Cleveland HiBORE: These irons look quirky and a bit bulky, which could be a concern on tight lies or in thick rough. But, they have a nice high launch resulting in some soft-landing shots. The mid-irons feel more solid than the wedge, which lacks the feedback some players expect from the scoring clubs. Oddly attractive in an edgy artistic or Goth girl sort of way, but we’re not sure how long the fun will last. 

Nike Victory Red Split Cavity: These forged cavity back blades have a very solid feel and a consistent, penetrating ball flight even with True Temper High Launch steel shafts. A traditional profile and an elegant look mask a relatively large cavity. These clubs provide feel with some forgiveness. A classic beauty who tries a little too hard to stay in style, while some may consider her to be high maintenance, to us she may be worth it. 

TaylorMade Burner TP: These innovative cavity back irons have some signatures of better-player clubs combined with the latest technology for playability. This combination has a nice modern look, but the vibration dampening drum results in a disappointingly chintzy, hollow feel at impact. She comes from great bloodlines, but turned out a little cheap. 

Ping G10: Another set of irons that works for mid-handicappers and better players, with a quasi-traditional look and enough technology to make the game fun. These irons offer a medium-high launch with some workability. Easy to talk to with girl-next-door good looks that will surprise you. 

It’s hard to make a definitive decision based on hitting a dozen balls. It’s like getting married after dinner and a movie. But, you can get an immediate sense for whether you click with a club, and demo day is a great place to pick up ch, err, sticks. Seriously speaking, we recommend you test new clubs thoroughly, on days when your swing is sharp and others when it’s not, and get fitted by a teaching professional before you spend as much as $1,000 on a set of irons. 

While there’s a clear frontrunner that I have feelings for, none of these new irons has gotten past the first date yet. I’m still committed to my current golf clubs, but you’ll be the first to know if there’s a future breakup. I really shouldn’t kiss and tell, but I know you love juicy golf gossip. 

-Corey 

Corey Grice has commitment issues. Not that kind, though he has those, too. On the golf course he’s *too* committed, having played the same technology for more than 10 years. Read more about his unhealthy relationship with golf at http://twitter.com/GolferWriterGuy and follow his happily married collaborator at http://twitter.com/NiceBallz.

Do our impressions of some of the big brands seem familiar to what you’ve experienced?  Are they way different?  Let us know in comments or on twitter.
 
-Hack
 
Hack expects @GolferWriterGuy to up the ante on their weekly matches soon to generate the revenue needed to purchase the set of irons he clearly has fallen head over heels for from the demo day.  You can follow both at http://twitter.com/NiceBallz and http://twitter.com/GolferWriterGuy.