Yet, what if we’d had Twitter through the ages?  What may our golfing forefathers had shared? 

Behold, what Twitter could hath wrought:

Old Tom Morris: “Kids today, all about ye old bomb and gouge. Young Tommy sailed a brassie 230 yards yesterday. These new wood shafts will be the end of golf!”

Young Tom Morris: “Ugh, Dad asking me how to ‘reply’ on Twitter again. What a wank.”

Bobby Jones:“Augusta Galactical?  Augusta – Bro’s before Ho’s?  BJ’s Place? Damn this naming a golf course thing is hard.”

Ben Hogan: “Stop tweetin’ at me me kid, can’t ya see I’m eating my soup.”

Arnold Palmer: “Whew!  Hot one today. Bartender gave me a half lemonade/half ice tea. Called it ‘the Jimmy’ after himself. Not anymore pal. Not anymore.”

Jack Nicklaus:“Thank God for that lifetime exemption baby! Balls in the air @ ’86 Masters shortly. Think I have a great shot at breaking top 10! #nochance”

Jan Stephenson: “Love my new cover! Skin to win darlin! http://bit.ly/9RJC7q ”

Seve Ballesteros: “I miss the hole…I miss the hole…I miss the hole…I hole it. #howIroll”

Greg Norman: “Final round of ’96 Masters, lovin’ it. Handed my jacket measurements to Jack Stephens so we could speed up the post-round ceremony.”

Tiger Woods*: “Free headcover to my next 100 lady followers! Recent profile photos required.”

*Yes I know Twitter’s been around during Tiger’s tenure. But what’s a post without a T-Dub male-whoring reference?

Yes, for years we’ve always known Tiger Woods as a gifted and dedicated golfer with enough charisma to keep fans and reporters alike a swoon. That all changed a couple nights ago in an incident that involved a tree, an Escalade with Tiger driving it, and an angry wife who may or may not have smacked things with a golf club.

Truce no more.

Now, every golf reporter north of Antarctica is taking their dusty “journalism” caps out of the attic and investigating what’s going on with Tiger.

Personally, I think it’s simple. Tiger likes sex with women who don’t answer to “Mrs. Woods.” And, being that Tiger only shoots for the greats, like Nicklaus on the golf course, it’s apparent he’s shooting for Wilt Chamberlain in the sack.

Reports are that Wilt the Stilt slept with 5.6 women every single day of his natural life.

Nobody though Tiger could make a run at the Golden Bear’s record for major victories. And, no one will think Tiger could outscore Wilt. But remember this – just because what Tiger’s been doing is sleazy and wrong, doesn’t mean it should be written out of history. Let us not give up on Tiger Woods. Any record could be his, whether it be Jack’s or Wilt’s.

-WKW

EDITORS NOTE: This is a special comedic guest column by William K. Wolfrum, a self-described satirist based in Santiago, Brazil who we have come to know as a golf fan and a damn funny guy with a political bent. The opinions expressed are those of Mr. Wolfrum, but he has a certain NiceBallz sensibility. Can you dig it? Enjoy more of his humor and commentary on his personal blog.

First, the Westin Bear Mountain Golf Resort & Spa in Victoria, British Columbia is a beautiful retreat. Spacious rooms, outstanding views, mild summer weather and a close-enough-but-not-too-close-location from downtown Victoria makes it a great place to get away. But it’s golf we’re talking about, not high tea for tourists.

With a great practice facility and two excellent courses Bear Mountain will host the Telus World Skins Game in June 2010, so you know it’s a renowned resort. The back tees (7,203 yards / 75.1 rating / 152 slope) at the original Mountain Course are apparently the highest slope rating in Canada. Tough stuff. But with five sets of tees and a facility designed as much for vacationers and conference goers, anyone can enjoy the challenge.

In playing the course last month from the so-called Grizzly tees (6,754 yards / 72.9 rating / 147 slope), a significant challenge for my 9 handicap, I noticed three things about the Nicklaus Design philosophy:

Position, Position, Position

If real estate is about location, the Mountain Course – and presumably other Nicklaus Design golf courses – is about position. It is clear upon playing the course that your ball is intended to be placed in a certain portion of the fairway or on the green in order to access the hole. In other words, there are places to be and other less desirable places where you don’t want to miss.

At other less challenging golf courses, particularly many easy resort courses, you can spray the ball and still recover to shoot a good score. However, here if you are out of position you will likely be faced with a blind or obstructed shot. Or, you’ll have a very difficult angle into the green. Sometimes all of the above.

Nicklaus clearly wants you to hit your ball in the proper spot. If you do so, you’re rewarded with a relatively easy approach. If not, you’re punished with a challenging – although often absurdly fun – second shot.

Two-Way Street

As much as Nicklaus during his professional golf career was known as a master of the power fade, his golf course tests all aspects of your game by asking players to work the ball both directions – sometimes on the same hole.

The best example is unlucky No. 13, the No. 2 handicap hole and an enormous 488 yards from the tips. The back tees are in a narrow chute that opens to a fairway bending from left to right. A fade off the tee is your best chance to clear the trees. But, an angled green and a greenside lake on the left dictate that you hit a draw with a long iron or fairway wood approach. Good luck.

I was lucky enough to accomplish both with a fade off the tee and a sweeping draw of a 4-iron from 196 yards onto the front of the green. But in my excitement at having reached the longest par 4 I’ve ever played, I got overzealous on the birdie putt, blew it by and had a downhill 6-footer for par. Oops. I’m sure you can guess what happened. Damn you, Jack.

Short Holes Can Be Good

The Mountain Course offers a great collection of par 3s.

No. 4 requires a long iron to an uphill green guarded by a deep front bunker with an ominous rock face. No. 7, probably the easiest of the group and the only short hole where I made a par, is another uphill shot with a mid-iron but plenty of room to miss long and left.

No. 12 is just a short iron, but the two-tier island green is both intimidating and difficult to putt. No. 16 is all downhill and requires only a mid-iron, but the drop is nearly 70 feet and the green is 60 feet deep so club selection atop a windy, exposed hilltop tee box isn’t easy.

Finally, the unique No. 19, which actually comes between Nos. 14 and 15, is a fun, scenic hole on a cliff with an expansive view. Intended as a tiebreaker and an opportunity to soak up the scenery, the 19th is just a short iron from all but the back tees. But, the area can be breezy and anything right is dead. Here I hit one of my best shots of the day, a 9-iron from 138 yards. As the ball hung in the air halfway there I dared to hope for a birthday hole in one, which – of course – immediately doomed my chances. But the ball stuck just three feet from the hole for an easy birdie.

There are other interesting elements at Bear Mountain, including dozens of deer that roam freely across the course. And, I mistook the palatial cliffside building near the No. 19 green as a conference center or VIP facility, but was later informed that is supposedly the home of Len Barrie, an investor in the resort and co-owner of the National Hockey League’s Tampa Bay Lightening.

Aside from having a great day on the golf course, I also learned that as a crafty golf course designer Jack Nicklaus demands you hit the ball in the proper position or you will pay, that you can work the ball both directions and you better hit pinpoint irons on the par 3s. It’s easier for him than the rest of us.

Have you played a Nicklaus designed golf course? What were your impressions? And, do you have a favorite designer? Why? Tell us in comments below or email us at staff@niceballz.com.

Personally, I would say ‘yes’ regardless of geography.  Not because Watson’s place in golf history will then be (or ever will be) larger than Jack’s, or Tiger’s for that matter.  But it’s more of a story due to Watson’s age and, aside from anyone claiming they ‘knew it could happen’, the unexpectedness of what is occurring at Turnberry.

Plus add in the field…Tiger (gone packin) and a slew of other unbelievably talented youth and experienced players.  Former major winners, former Open winners, every possible gunshooter taking aim at Watson’s lead tomorrow.  With all respect that is due to Jack Nicklaus, a Watson win would be bigger.  Way bigger. 

But what do you think, whose win would be bigger?

      vs.