But how?  Don’t just walk around carrying your putter all night asking people to guess who you are – party FOUL!

No, you need to make it clear who your favorite golfer is by going all out.  Here are just a few examples of how you can do it.

John Daly: Sport some loudmouth golf pants, carry a diet coke, smoke a cigarette, have a cougarish date dressed as Hooters girl and a suitcase full of excuses and mistakes.

Anthony Kim: Wear a big shiny belt buckle, show up wasted, kick everyone’s ass…leave.

Rory McIlroy: Call and say you’ll be right there…then call and say you aren’t coming…then call and say you may be over but you’re not sure.  Lather…rinse…repeat.

Tiger Woods: Red shirt, black slacks, intimidating glare.  When asked how you like the party say:

“The party is setup really well for me.  Fair but still challenging.  I feel like I’ve done pretty well but I’ve missed some opportunities for hookups, so I’ll just look to capitalize on that in the next two hours and if I do that then things will be good.”

Sandra Gal, Christina Kim, Anna Grzebien: Buck naked yo!

Happy Halloween!

noun

1. the parts of a sentence, paragraph, discourse, etc. immediately next to or surrounding a specified word or passage and determining its exact meaning to quote a remark out of context

Robert Allenby is full of it.  A few days (nothing like being timely by the way) after trashing Anthony Kim for being ‘the loosest cannon’ on the American team and exhibiting off the course behavior that was akin to being the new John Daly…Allenby today did the predictable thing – He made up a lie an excuse about his words being taken out of context, and tacked on an apology for good measure.

If Allenby wanted us to buy that his words were taken out of context it may have been helpful if he had actually taken care to put his words IN the proper context.  For example, maybe when Allenby said: “Maybe we should all take the theory of Anthony Kim. Get home at 4 o’clock (in the morning) and then go shoot 6 under.”

Perhaps the context left out was: “…Get home at 4 o’clock after taking sandwiches and blankets to the homeless all night, and then stopping by a local Church to pray for those unfortunate souls…”ok, then Allenby would have reason to be grumpy.

Or maybe when Allenby said: “…He is the loosest cannon in that team.”  The lacking context was something like: “I mean look at his shoulders in his swing…so loose, his hips too. I bet he’s an excellent dancer.”

But it seems like Allenby is just pulling the typical ‘out of context’ card that many public figures mistakenly believe makes their apology more sincere or believable.  Does it even sound believable to essentially say –  ”I’m really sorry for what I said…which was misquoted and/or taken out of context…but still…I’m really sorry.” If you were misquoted or taken out of context…then why are you sorry?

What you mean is:

• I’m sorry I got caught.
• I’m sorry I said it when cameras/recorders were on.
• I’m sorry I was drunk and said/did that.
• I’m sorry I am going to lose money/stature as a result of this.
• I’m sorry I said something so dumb.

It’s the crisis communications equivalent of saying ‘wasn’t me’. Of course Allenby is far from alone in playing the ‘out of context’ card. Another well-known offender was Carolyn Bivens the (now) Ex-LPGA Commissioner.

After saying tweeting during a round on the LPGA could be good fun, Bivens issued the following statement once her players made it clear they thought she was out of her ever-loving gourd.

“Comments that I made in a conversation with a writer last week regarding the importance of social media and tweeting have been taken out of context. We have not discussed tweeting or the use of handheld devices during tournament rounds with the USGA, or even within the LPGA, nor do we intend to. Our players will not be tweeting during the rounds of LPGA events.”

I’ve had the good fortune of being employed in the PR/communications industry for many years now and have counseled a number of different clients.  The reality is some listen, take counsel and form a partnership with their communications experts.  Others, simply view communications as a means to an end, a tactic. Usually the latter group are who you see using phrases like ‘out of context’ once they’ve gotten caught in an unexpected swirl of controversy.

Sure, there are (more infrequently than not) comments that are taken out of context.  It can be done by any unscrupulous member of the media.  But the media are held accountable too.  If they regularly lie, eventually they will get caught and suffer consequences as well.  And if you’re going to claim out of context then please…at least provide the context that was lacking/removed.  Otherwise the claim is utterly unbelievable.

da Vinci supposedly said “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”

In this day and age when public skepticism is high and tired excuses have worn thin, a more sophisticated approach to take when you say or do something that you later wish you hadn’t, is to just admit it, apologize and try to move on.

While Kim has denied any after-hours activities, we have received, from reliable sources, a number of texts to and from AK that may counter that denial.  Read for yourself and decide.
 
AK: Man I never thought that team meeting would end, you wanna grab a brew, or 10 haha?
Freddy: You DO know I’m still your Captain after hours right?
AK: Whoops…meant that for Jordan. Night Cap! Get it, night….cap? 
 
AK: Hehe, just texted Freddy about getting a beer…oh well, ready to head out man?
Jordan: Can’t. I promised Phil that I would work on his short game with him. He tried to act like he didn’t want me to, but I know he just didn’t want to seem like he was imposing after what I did for O’Hair.  Don’t forget you are playing tomorrow!!!
AK: Man you guys are all lame!  I’m out to get some strange and lots of jager bombs woohoo look out San Fraaan! 
 
AK: Yeah bitches the AK-47 is out on the town!  Two jager bombs down baby and already four hotties checkin me out. One chick grabbed my belt buckle. She’s cute, big adam’s apple but hot. I’m soooo in. She has a friend, you up for wingman duty?
Phil: Stop texting me…I told you I can’t go out, Amy “surprised” me by showing up here.  Ixnay ethay artypay alktay, mmm’kay?
AK: Haha ur loss loooser!  Jager bombs away!
Phil: Don’t forget you are playing tomorrow!
 
AK: Peeps keep buyin jager bomzzz. Feelin no pain now cap! Who am i playin tomrrow again? Can i geta l8r tee time?
Freddy: No you cannot have a later tee time jesus man…get it together!
AK: Whooopsie daizy! Meant for MJ. J/k Cap…in my room havin night cap hahahaahha booombz away!
 
AK: So this is what the women’s bathroom looks like…
MJ: Nice pic. Maybe you should come back. Phil and I are about to breakthrough on his flop shot. Amy is helping too!
 
AK: I needz a cheezburger and pizzaaaaaaaaaa!!! Yeah baby ‘za! C’mon cap U buyin?
Norman: Who the hell is this?
AK: Hahhaaha we’re kickin ur aszzessss.  Can i have Morgan’s number?
 
AK: Remindme 2 make wakeup callz? Wooo booombz away!! Applebeeez is so dead 2morrow boss…adam’s apple chick givin me ride home w00t! FTW!
Freddy:
 
End Transmission.

The LPGA’s Christina Kim mentioned her unmentionables and needs some Visine to get the red out.
Pro golfer Paige MacKenzie is scared of cartoons.
Golf blogger Kokogirl has a foot fetish. And, she was voted Most Likely to Sunburn in high school.
Norcalgolfpro, a big Eddie Murphy fan, is easily scammed by spam from wealthy Nigerian princes.
ESPN’s Jason Sobel says Anthony Kim wants to be a point guard. A really, really short one.

Have you seen an unusual, awkward or funny tweet or comment from a golf personality? Send it our way on Twitter at http://twitter.com/NiceBallz or http://twitter.com/GolferWriterGuy or email us at staff@niceballz.com. We may include it in next week’s Golf Bytes at NiceBallz.com.