Golf Fight!
We survived our first golf fight as a couple
It happened. Sooner than I expected too. When I talked about the surprising interest my wife has shown in picking up golf , I got a lot of good advice about how to not mess it up.
One of the most consistent pieces — Keep your mouth shut.
Good call. And I’m doing that. Another good piece of advice was do not try to coach her up myself, get a good pro.
Done and done.
So last week my wife had her first lesson with the same pro I visit. I drove her to the course and introduced them and the convo went like this:
Pro: “What have you shown her?”
Me: “As little as possible.”
Pro: Eyeing me suspiciously — “I just need to know how much I have to undo.”
Me: “I tried not to tell her anything, really.”
It was true. I only showed her a basic grip and that was it, so she could at least swing at the ball.
My wife seemed to enjoy herself and the pro is a great teacher, in short it was a good lesson.
All was right in my world. I had no idea how soon that would change.
The next day we hit the range and as I’ve often experienced, her first practice after a lesson was frustrating. She struggled and was annoyed. We’ve all been there.
Later at home she was trying a drill our pro had given her to help with her takeaway.
“Look at my swing.” she said.
<gulp>
“No really tell me if I’m doing it right.”
“What did John (our pro) tell you to do?”
“Well he said…oh I don’t remember just tell me if I’m doing it right.”
“But you should do what he told you, not what I say.”
“Would you just LOOK!”
“Ok.”
Swing
“What do you think?”
“I have no idea.”
“Jesus, you’ve been golfing for like 7 years can’t you tell me anything?!?”
“You see, that’s something you’ll learn, I’ve golfed for years and I still suck. It’s part of the beauty of the game and…”
“Ugh, just tell me if I’m doing it right.”
Swing
“I have no idea.”
“All the golf you play and you don’t know anything?”
“Your shoes are pretty.”
“You are absolutely NO help. I’m going to bed.”
Club slam, stomp, stomp, stomp, door slam, silence.
“G’night.”
I felt bad, I did want to help but I hadn’t been there when our pro told her about the drill and didn’t know exactly what he was trying to do. So I kept my mouth shut, no matter how painful it was. <pause for cheers>
I brought it up w/our pro when I saw him next and he nodded and just advised me to remind her of simple things like always doing her pre-shot routine, make sure to regrip after every shot, take a practice swing and so on. Again, good advice.
Anyway it was fine, we’ve been together a while now and a good relationship in my opinion has a few dust ups now and again. It especially helped that she recognized how COMPLETELY, UTTERLY AND RIDICULOUSLY WRONG she was the next day. It’s ok, I can say that - she never reads this 
.
Hack
Hack and his wife (we call her Mrs. Ballz here) have been happily married for over 10 years. In that time he has had to say ‘I’m sorry’ approximately 1,193 times. It gets easier after the first 100 or so. For more golf commentary, satire along with reviews and news follow him at http://twitter.com/NiceBallz and his footloose, fancy free & unmarried collaborator Corey at http://twitter.com/GolferWriterGuy.
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Ha ha ha ha! I’ve been through the exact conversation. Despite all my non-guidance, my wife never picked up the sport. She said I wasn’t supportive enough. Arrrrg!!
hahahahahahahahahaha….
Loved this post. The most entertaining I’ve read this week. And thanks for illustrating why I never tried to learn to play!
The next thing on the list for this generation is to legalize golf marriage.
You have to draw a line in the sand trap
“You have your thing and this is my thing. I don’t screw around, I don’t drink, I don’t gamble, and I let you deny me that Porsche 911 Turbo 4S Cabriolet in Darth Vader black, woman, but I MUST HAVE THIS (golf) for ME, (gasp) ME, (pause, gasp, reach skyward Wrath of Khan style) MEEEEEEEEEE!
You then toss your club in the sand, turn around and stomp off.
That should take care of it.
Whenever my wife asked me about her golf game,I looked right in the eye(s) and replied, “Vandalay Industries.”
I’m all for her to join in the golfing doc. But we must draw the line at golf marriages, otherwise we’ll have tennis marriages, bowling marriages. Where will it end?
Thx for all the comments
. I think OEG has od’d on Seinfeld re-reruns.
I’ve been waiting for this update.
Inevitable! I look forward to subsequent fights.
Surely you accept that you mistimed the
“pretty shoes” line, however?
I’m going to offer this one free, but the rest will cost you:
Don’t ever read her putts. If the ball doesn’t drop it will be your fault. However, if don’t read the putt for her and she misses that will be your fault too.
Aren’t you glad you didn’t pay for that one?;o)
That’s nothing Hack – although my husband and I golf together a lot and most of the time it’s fun, there have been moments out there when I have never hated him more! At the end of the round, I’m usually over it. Get used to it. Now my husband knows not to say anything unless I specifically ask him to tell me what I did wrong. Even then I can get mad if I don’t like his answer.
The good news is, I don’t plan on leaving him anytime soon. It’s only golf after all.
Oh Heather…I’m pretty sure I’m going to pay for everything
. Thx for the free forewarning tho!
At least she cares about her swing, that’s a positive. Would be worse if she was completely uninterested and you’d bought her a 6-pack of lessons and clubs already. That’d be money down the drain.
Yeah…she’s into it. Check the earlier post linked at the top of this one. All good.
I didn’t think there was ever a bad time to compliment someone (er a woman) on their shoes?
The “pretty shoes” comments should have worked 8=)
I won’t tell you how many years we’ve been married (usual “less years for murder” joke) but my husband and I play golf together 3 times a week and I don’t think I can recall a complete round without at least one snarl at each other. Still kiss and shake hands on the 18th however.
I am rooting for the continued interest in golf from Mrs. Ballz.
OMG, those shoes really WERE pretty! I want them.
Very nice hack, love to see Mrs. Ballz swinging at something other then your ballz for a change. Listen to your pro, have fun, fun, fun, and fun, the rest will just come, e v e n t u a l l y!