Dear SingleSergio…
Dear SingleSergio,
Let’s just be friends. It’s not you; it’s me. Well, actually, it is mostly you.
You wear your clothes tighter than mine. I can’t have that.
You waggle your golf club too much. My Dad says if you shake it more than twice you’re playing with it.
You refuse to eat Vegemite for breakfast. You know I hate Nutella.
Your Michelob sponsorship pisses me off. It’s cheap American swill. BTW, I don’t care who bought it, it’s still not Belgian. Even San Miguel and Mahou, that cheap Spanish crap you drink at home, are better beers. And, when will you learn Foster’s is ‘Australian for Beer’? Geez!
I hate the bullfights. I never want to go again. It’s just so mean. And I am OVER playing the ‘feisty bull’ to your matador at home. Red is not your color, anyway. It’s Tiger’s. Everyone knows that.
When they say you’re the best player to never win a major, it’s not a compliment, OK?
How come your other girlfriends had cool nicknames? Swiss Miss. Why not me?! Awesome Aussie. I mean, give a girl something.
If our breakup affects your swing it’s not my fault. You’re always full of excuses. You got a bad tee time. The weather wasn’t fair. The lights aren’t low enough, baby. The music’s not right. Whatever.
Our apartment is not big enough for the three of us – you, me and your ego. Don’t call me anymore. And I’m not into that ‘sexting’ stuff either.
Have a nice life,
MeanMorgan
P.S. – Adam Scott has as many wins as you and is WAY hotter. And, he’s an Aussie. Oy! Do you have his number?
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Amazingly funny. You guys did a stellar job with this.
Now that the Aussie biatch is out of the way, I guess it’s time for me to make my move. And, I can do ‘feisty bull’ thing, no problem.
GolfGirl, grab the bull by the horns, baby!
Hope you have Sergio on speed dial. Good luck, girl.
Rumor has it that Sergio’s mom is chaperone on all his first dates. She also wears tight Adidas and has been seen dating Jose Maria. They went to an Almodovar film.
Wickedly funny! I can’t blame him for passing on the Vegemite, though.
You guys are too much!
Adam ScHOTT versus Sergio? That’s an easy choice even if you don’t come from the land down under.
Hilarious! I note, however, that Tiger’s busted knee took 9 months to heal, but Sergio’s broken heart took only 2 months. Careful, GolfGirl!!
HA! Brilliant material
My Favorite…”When they say you’re the best player to never win a major, it’s not a compliment, OK?”
Mind if I repost this?
Of course, glad you enjoyed it
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I just love your site! I love that all you guys do
hdpanixc
hdpanixc
Very good stuff. Thanks for the laugh.
AAAAh but Sergio is soo cute…..go get him Golfgirl!