5 tips to becoming a big time golf blogger

Just follow these simple steps to golf bloggging greatness.  No need to thank us.  Really.

1. Criticize EVERYTHING: Pretty straightforward. Find nothing good in anything. Or, if you must find something good (e.g. Annika has a baby!) make sure to balance it with something highly critical (e.g. Wow, thanks for putting yourself ahead of the LPGA when they need you most sister.).  See how easy that was? That way others will always have someone to disagree with and call a moron.

2. Criticize NOTHING: I know…this may seem to be in contrast to #1 but stay with me.  You can take this as an alternative to the first point and simply think everything is great and every golfer is the model of benevolence and charm.  Sure, it’s boring and makes you look like a suckup but it also will ensure you get on every flack’s email distribution list so you’ll have plenty of fodder around charitable events to fill your blog with.

3. Name drop: “So, I said to Jack…‘and that’s why you should always use a 9 iron there’ and he laughed and, well, let’ s just say we shared a moment.” Use casual references as if to imply you couldn’t possibly be talking about anyone other than Jack Nicklaus.  Sure, it’s Jack Lebromowitz your neighbor who carries a 23 index, but who is to know?  Pretty soon others will be asking you ‘what’s Tiger really like?’ and wanting to know if you can get them an extra ticket to the U.S. Open. Both of which you should respond to with a heavy sigh, eye roll and thorough shaking of your head as if to imply ‘why are you speaking to me?’.

4. Never…ever…comment on others stuff: You are the premier golf blogger just remember that. If you comment on others posts that only validates that you (again the premier blogger) find their stuff interesting.  Uhhh sorry!  But others should be reading your stuff remember, not reading a comment you had on what someone else thought.  What the f*ck do they know – you’re the master bater blogger!  And for that matter, don’t reply to comments left on your blog.  This is about you dispensing YOUR pearls of wisdom, not interacting with the unwashed masses. They should be happy you leave comments open at all.  The swine.

5. Make sh*t up: Nothing interesting to write about that day?  Tired of reading and ripping stories from the mainstream media? Resort to the greatest news source ever – your imagination.  Headlines like “Tiger Woods sacrifices baby ducks to rehab his knee” will drive major traffic.  Or you can be more titillating and go with stuff like “Guess which pro golfer I may or may not have shagged last night”.  See? You didn’t even say anything! But certain topics (e.g. sex, Sergio, hot people) will always get a reaction. Just sit back and watch the speculation, name calling and traffic roll in.

So there you go.  Employ any or all of these tips and you’re sure to rake in the big blogging bucks. More later but right now I’ve got to go catch a tee time with Phil. Ciao!

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