Only NiceBallz has the deeply scoped look at this putrid scandal. Read on for the last communication we received from one of our probing reporters, Hack, as he attempted to get to the bottom of this tale of rancid deception.
I don’t know how long I have to write this up, but this is a story set to be a major blowout in the world of golf. Just remember, if I do not show up for our editorial meeting, I’m probably not coming home. I love ya, Ma.
I know you’ve all read the backstory, but Corey and I have known for some time that there was something rotten in Denmark about the way this Fartgate story was being waved away like a well, you know what in the wind.
You remember the look on Corey’s face when we realized we’d just begun to crack this thing open (see above, he’s the fair haired boy wonder on the right) … well unfortunately he tried to verify some of the facts and now he’s – POOF - gone. No tweeting, no email, no texting. It’s like he was taken out by a silent-but-deadly assassin.
The fact is he’s probably dead. But who is to blame? No time for crying … I must share with the world what I know.
First I got a hold of Feherty, the one implicated as the off-camera tooter. I am sending the audio file via secret courier … he has a cyanide pill and knows what to do if he is stopped. But I’ve transcribed the conversation for now:
Feherty: “Blimey! What the fook are ya doin calling me at 2 a.m.? Wha? No I ain’t talkin about no bloody fart! I did it ok. There I said it, now tell Tiger I took the bullet and we’re all squared, ya fookin nosey bastards” <click>
I hadn’t even said Tiger’s name! Then I found an old file, long forgotten that shows Woods has a history of stinking it up on the course, and I don’t mean like at this year’s Open Championship. See for yourself here at the approximately 29 second mark:
Not damning enough for you? Ok, then what about the Scott Van Pelt interview with Shane Bacon where he opines about Woods’ love of potty humor? The key excerpt here:
Scott Van Pelt: “He enjoys a good off-color joke, he and his caddie are legendary on the tee for trying to see who can blast the biggest fart of the day, and it’s all sophomoric stuff…”
Lastly, factor in the Nike goons. Yes, they were the ones who worked to confiscate all of the Lebron James dunk video remember?
So what starts happening once Tiger’s rip starts to leak out online? Nearly all websites showing footage of it are getting cease and desist letters from CBS. Oh sure, blame CBS … that fart was the best thing about those last few holes. Can you say booooring finish? No CBS weren’t the ones pulling the strings, you can bet the Nike lawyers were swinging the hammer down hard to have this mishap disappear.
Look I can’t go on forever about this, but I have more … a LOT more that will make the case against Tiger pretty damning.
I know there seems to be no shortage of people willing to take one for Team Woods, but this next nugget, is going to blow yer knickers off.
I just have to meet with one more source to confirm it. The guy wants to meet in some parking garage … fine, whatever. But he seems like he’s on the inside and he’s careful, he only goes by Deep Cavity. He sent me a photo so I’d know it was him when we meet. Wish me luck!
I smell Pulitzer!
Hack is a pen name for a marketing and media relations professional who enjoys blogging as a means to pursue his passion for his favorite sport – golf. He represents the yin to his collaborator’s yang. He doesn’t so much play golf, as the game plays him to his delight and likely demise. Follow his perspective on Twitter at @
